These are cute writings I have been
emailed or came across
and wanted to share them with all dog lovers !
How to Make a Puppy Pie
puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the following
1 cup patience
1 cup understanding
1 pinch correction
1 cup hard work
2 cups praise
11/2 cups of fun
Heat with the warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled
Mix with owner until consistency is such that owner and puppy are one.
Thank you Angela
for the above
How Many Dogs Does It Take to
Change A Light Bulb?
1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of
and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to
make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to
see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb....
10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle .
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he
finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs don't change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the
question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some
dinner, and a massage?"
PUPPY "SIZE" -
"Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to
this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we
started all of this," the mother told the volunteer.
"What is it she keeps asking for?" the volunteer asked.
"Puppy size!" replied the mother.
"Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking
"I know...we have seen most of them," the mom said in
Just then Danielle came walking into the office.
"Well, did you find one?" asked her mom. "No, not this
time," Danielle said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come
back on the weekend?"
The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed.
"You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's
always a supply," the volunteer said.
Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't
worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said.
Over the next few days both mom and dad had long conversations with her.
They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or
we're not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration.
"We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size either,"
Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning
By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that
housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small
waiting room at the end of the first row of cages.
There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times
when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage,
kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were
brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, "Sorry,
you're not the one."
It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The
volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog
and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. "Mom, that's
it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" she screamed
with joy. "It's the puppy size!"
"But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the
last few weeks," Mom said.
"No not size ---- the sighs. When I held him in my arms, he
sighed," she said.
"Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told
me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger
The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether
to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of
"Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home
from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right
puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms," she said. Then holding
the puppy up close to her face she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard
the sighs of his heart!"
Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh.
I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a
sunset, the kiss of the moonlight, and the gentle brush of cool air on a
They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be
surprised at what you hear. "Life is not measured by the breaths we
take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Subject: Buy A Dog!
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it
apart to remove the sports section: Buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy
of seeing you: Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and
says its not quite as good as his mother made it: Buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and
wherever you want: Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't give a damn
about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies: Buy
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your
feet and whom you can push off if he snores: Buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you
are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word
you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you
perpetually: Buy a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you
call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the
place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to
and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his
Then my friend: Buy a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men! Didn't you?)
FOR THE NEW DOG:
1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog
2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if
his own house is under renovation.
3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, Provided
his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.
4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined
to a comfortable but secure metal cage.
5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog
house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.
6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new
8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like
the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new
furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed Under
12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head On
13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his
head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.
14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, But
he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now
sleeping. That's just not fair.
15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as
"primary resident," even if it's true.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail Instead
of his tongue." -Anonymous
A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in
Africa. She took her faithful pet poodle along for company.
One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before
long the poodle discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in
his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he
noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the
poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.
I wonder if there are any more around here."
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as
a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the
trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That
nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene
from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good
use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he
But the poodle saw him heading after the leopard with great
speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans
and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard
is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey,
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his
back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to
his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet...and just
when they get close enough to hear the poodle says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to
bring me another leopard!"
"SOMETIMES BULLSHIT AND BRILLIANCE ARE THE SAME."